You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
Randomize
