i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
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