My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
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