quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
Randomize
