drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
Randomize
