make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
Randomize
