I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂