I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...