mondays should just be called national damage control day
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
Proof That Kendall Jenner Is The Queen of Cannes
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
The 21 Worst Ways People Have Been Dumped
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up