Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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