Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
