people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Randomize
