taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
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