Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
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