I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
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