3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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