You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
Randomize
