Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
Randomize
