worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
