found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
The uberlube is also flammable
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
Randomize