Dual....:-)
I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
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