i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize
