Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
Idk. We dropped acid and Kevin ran away again. We didn't find him for like 3 hours.
Man I wish I had been there
Yah we found him in the pool shed of some elderly couple. They were on the porch watching all of the shenanigans. ...To be young again.
Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
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