Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Randomize
