I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Randomize
