She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize
