I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
Randomize
