why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Randomize
