Operation Purity has been aborted
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
Randomize
