Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
