I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
