You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
Randomize
