i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
Randomize
