So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
Randomize
