looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
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the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
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My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
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