you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
Randomize
