the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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