New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
Randomize
