Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
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