I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Randomize