What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
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