her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
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