hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
