Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
Randomize
