Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
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