I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
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