It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
Randomize
