I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
