$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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