At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize