I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
you had me at cake vodka
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
Randomize
