who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
Randomize
