The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
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