as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
Randomize
