those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
Randomize