hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
Randomize
