Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
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