Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
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