Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
can u get pink eye on your cock?
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
i need to put some appletini on your dick
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
Randomize
