3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
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