They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
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