I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Randomize
