i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
Randomize
