I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
