I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
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He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
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