So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
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