im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
Randomize
