I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
Randomize
