whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize
