How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
