I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
Randomize
