i barfeds in our rink
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
Randomize
