what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
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